BeyondSeeLevel

I’m not far removed from this struggle. But I am definitely connected to it. After walking in the shoes of single parenting for 21 years, my compassion keeps me connected to the experience.

A word of encouragement for single mommies!

I just wanted to say that many of you make this single parent thing look easy. But I know it’s not. Often times, we stay in survival mode, attempting to give our children a sense of peace and not expose them to the urgency of the struggle. It’s one thing to be responsible for self. But it’s a whole other animal to be responsible for someone else all the time; day and night. As Christian mothers, our burden isn’t just limited to providing food, clothing and shelter for our children. We have a relentless concern for the spiritual welfare of our children; as it should be. You may find yourself burden, buried & bruised by life’s circumstances. Sometimes, you laugh to keep from crying. And sometimes, you cry to keep from crashing. You deny yourself & sacrifice so much to ensure your children are taken care of. You don’t pursue luxuries because you’re too busy trying to survive life. Sometimes, your lack of participation & recreation is misunderstood as a lack of desire & being boring. Many don’t know that limited resources, scarcity of available and reliable help with your kids & maturity keeps you keeping the main thing the main thing; them. What you want will always take a back burner to what’s needed; even if it means learning to appreciate sitting still & going without for the sake of peace in your life. You fight at times, not to be consumed by the things that concern you. You’re troubled on every side. Even your desire and pursuit for love can become a burden. Sometimes, to the point of choosing to abandon it because all the variables and unknowns just don’t seem to be worth the worry. I can’t risk failing these children again by getting with a man that won’t be a good father or that won’t be around for long. They’ve been through enough. They’re going through enough. In other words, you give up every part of you for those babies. You’ve neglected your health. You’ve denied your desires. You’ve given up on love. You’re stuck in survival mode trying to make a life for your children and at the same time, you’re losing yours. You’ve stopped dreaming just to stop being disappointed. What you’re calling contentment, may very well be complacency. You’ve stopped living just to survive. On the real, it hurts wanting what you don’t feel or can’t see is within reach. It’s just easier not to want. If they haven’t been there, most don’t understand the depth of our burden anyway. And that’s ok. God understands. Sometimes, the world will even place a scarlet letter on you and crucify you for not being needy. They refuse celebrate you for having the courage to do it by yourself and be happy doing it. One of my good friends told me a while ago, that it was time out for me wanting and that it was time for me to have. She told me that I deserved it. It brought me to tears. Not because I really feel that deserve it, but because I was relieved that somebody understood what I refused to say out loud. This thing isn’t as easy as I make it look. And I know that it’s not as easy as you make it look either. Be encouraged that God hears your spirit groaning & He sees your struggle. One thing that I’ve embraced that keeps my head above water is the fact that everything in my life happens for my growth & God’s glory. I am an intentional vessel for God’s glory. Whether on my mountaintop or in my valley, my desire is to glorify God. When I focus on the fact that my life was purposed for God’s glory, I don’t consume myself with where I am. But I think about where I’m going. Endure the process in order to get to the promise. His credit is good with me.

**Iwasdownyesterdaybutimuptoday**

Lamentations 3:21-24

19 The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words. 20 I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. 21 Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: 22 The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. 23 Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. 24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!”

I had somewhat of a restless night. I just couldn’t get comfortable. My mind has been going and going. I’m not stressed. Just consumed. As I embark on this new chapter in my life, I have many somber-sweet moments. I’m preparing to relocate to a new city, after spending my entire life in Dallas. I’m excited, thankful and ready for the transition.

However, as I purge my residence, I’m getting rid of many things that I don’t plan on taking with me. As I go through my belongings, I’m reminded of times and events from my past. Some were pleasant. Some were very difficult and grievous. The smallest things take me back in time to places that I hadn’t thought about in a long time.

This morning I woke up with tears in my eyes. My mother passed away in 2008. After which, I would occasionally dream about her. In those dreams, she would never speak. But she would just sit or stand quietly. I knew she was sick. She was quiet because she was always in pain in my dreams — suffering in silence. These dreams represented the same experiences I had with my mom in her last days. She didn’t do a lot of talking. She just laid there thinking. I would try to get her to talk to me and tell me what was on her mind. But she never did.

About two years ago, I had a different kind of dream. This dream seemed to signify a breakthrough in my silent grief. This time she was happy. She was talking and laughing–just like I remembered before she got sick. I remember waking up from that dream with a smile on my face and in my spirit.

I don’t dream about her often. But this morning I woke up with tears in my eyes because I was crying in my dream. I dreamed my mom was talking and lively. But she was sick. We had gotten in from a day of errands and business. She said she was tired and turning in for the evening. Her body looked so strong and healthy even though she was sick. I asked her if she needed anything before she went to rest. As she walked past me, she answered “You can get down on your knees and send a prayer up for me.” I tried to say “I’ve been praying for you.” But as I opened my mouth to speak, I burst into tears and sobbing. She stepped to me and put her hand on my shoulder to comfort me. That’s when I woke up still in tears.

At that moment in my dream, I was the one that couldn’t speak because I was in pain. I used to dream that she wouldn’t speak because she was in too much pain because she was sick. Then another time, I dreamed that she spoke and wasn’t sick at all. But this time, she spoke and was sick.

One thing that grieved me most as my mom’s health deteriorated was the fact that she didn’t talk a whole lot about it. She didn’t tell me what she was thinking about. I told her , “Moma it’s ok to talk about it. If you want to scream, I’ll scream with you. If you want to cry, I’ll cry with you.” I told her that her silence wouldn’t stop us (her children) from hurting because we loved her. If she’s hurting, we’re hurting.

On her last day, in pain and desperation to help herself, she said “I’m trying to cope.” I feel that was her way of saying “This is hard for me.” My mother was in the process of transition from life to death as she spoke those words. I believe she new it. I saw it in her eyes. I knew it even though I’d never seen it before.

It’s interesting how my dreams went from my mom not speaking to share her grief about her sickness to me not being able to speak because of my grief. I used to think to myself, “Maybe she doesn’t want to talk about it”. But now I realize that maybe she just couldn’t talk about it. I tried to respond to her request for me to pray for her in my dream, but my heart was so heavy, in that moment, I couldn’t speak. All I could do was cry. My grief silenced me. I was trying to be there for her in that moment and speak words of love and support, but my own pain held my tongue hostage and wouldn’t let me speak.

She placed her hand on my shoulder to comfort me as I hurt for her. (Much like I did on her last day. I kneeled by her hospital bed holding and rubbing her hand.) No words spoken from either of us. Just us in one another’s presence. Sometimes, you won’t have words to comfort others. Sometimes, their words won’t comfort you. Sometimes, just being there with your loved one as they go through that pain is enough.

*Tressa Jo

The relationship between a husband and a wife is threefold. It’s positional. It’s purpose. It’s performance. If an individual does not respect and honor the marital position of their spouse or understand and appreciate the purpose their spouse is called into and serves in their relationship, they will not value how their spouse performs in the marriage. Positionally, they must value and respect the place their spouse holds in their lives. They have to understand that their spouse is priority over any and all other relationships, outside of their relationship with God. And because they honor and respect the position of their spouse in the marriage, they will protect, nurture and steward their marriage in a way that promotes marital security and longevity. Marriage is also purpose. When an individual enters into a marriage, they must have an understanding of God’s Divine purpose for marriage. Then they must come to an understanding of why God place them in their spouse’s life specifically. And why God placed them and their lives. Embracing purpose in a marriage promotes intimacy, servitude and sacrifice. It keeps the marriage in line with God’s Divine intentions and purpose for marriage. It also creates a path for guidance and direction that creates harmony and oneness because both have committed to walking in the same direction to fulfill the same Divine purpose. Marriage is also performance. Both the husband and the wife are called into this relationship positionally and purposefully. But they must also perform. God has given both the husband and the wife specific roles the play in this Divine union of marriage. Whenever roles and duties are abandoned, neglected or abused, individuals suffer and marital harmony and union is compromised. However, even when an individual effectively and consistently performs within the marriage, if the other spouse never develops a consistent mindset and appreciation for marital position and purpose, how one performs won’t be valued or appreciated either. In other words, they can do everything right but it still won’t be enough. True commitment in marriage has to include a commitment to the individual. But it also has to include a commitment and understanding of covenant. Covenant recognizes that God brings the two together. But covenant also continues to seek God to keep them together.

*Tressa Jo

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? – Matthew 6:26

Have you ever wondered why birds sing so loudly? Especially when you’re trying to get some sleep or you just want some peace and quiet. But sometimes, in the hustle and bustle of life you may find yourself not really even hearing the birds at all. And if you do, it’s just another faint noise in the distance that’s just part of the daily environmental chaos–nothing you really to pay attention to. Sometimes, you don’t even notice the clouds in the sky or the stars twinkling at night. Sometimes, all we consistently pay attention to is the sun. We see the sun because it gives light to our mornings and reminds us that we lived to see another day. The sun charts the course of our day. Sunrise and sunset provokes us to discipline our priorities, responsibilities and our duties of the day. Our senses confirm that the sun is shining. When it shines, we shade our eyes. When it’s beaming, we cover our skin to protect ourselves. When it’s warming, we bask in it. But whenever our ears give attention to the sounds of a bird what we hear and what’s being said may be two different things. We may hear sounds of nature. But when birds sing, God’s voice is speaking. It speaks volumes right in the middle of our hardships, desperation and doubts. God is simply singing a song to us to proclaim that He is our provider. He sings to us early in the mornings. He sings to us late at night when we’re fast asleep. He sings beautifully and methodically. When we listen, we’re able to hear a plethora of ranges from the highest high to the lowest low. We hear a symphony of chirps and squawks permeating the air with creative vibrato that’s Divinely purposed to remind God’s children that He will provide for them. Sometimes, we see the birds but we don’t hear them. It’s not because they’ve stopped singing. It’s because we’ve stopped listening. The birds won’t stop singing because God won’t stop being a Provider. Take time to listen for the birds. And while you’re listening for the birds, hear the voice of God. He provides.

*Tressa Jo

Elisha said, “Go around and ask all your neighbors for empty jars. Don’t ask for just a few.Then go inside and shut the door behind you and your sons. Pour oil into all the jars, and as each is filled, put it to one side.” – 2 Kings 4:3-4

Sometimes, when God positions us for deliverance or to receive a blessing, He’ll position us behind closed doors. Now, there will definitely be a time for you to testify of the goodness of God on the other side of your door. But not every part of your journey is for others to see. Sometimes the part that God orchestrates behind closed doors won’t make any sense to those that are watching. And because they don’t understand the process of your journey, if they were to get a front row seat, all they’d have to offer is mockery, doubt, negatively and criticisms. It just doesn’t make sense for you to stack all those empty jars and have absolutely nothing to put in them. But they don’t understand that God can do something mighty and miraculous with an empty vessel. So sometimes, part of the journey to your deliverance or your blessing is reserved for just you and God behind closed doors. It’s ok if you have to collect your jars from your neighbors on the outside. But those jars become vessels to be filled by God on the inside, behind closed doors. Sometimes, your neighbor should only go as far as the door–even if they’re the one that gave you the empty jar. Sometimes, the neighbor on the outside of the door can be the difference between you borrowing a jar to bring into the house and you borrowing a vessel to be filled behind closed doors. Therefore, sometimes, you have to be ok with shutting the door behind you in order to secure a Divine opportunity to have your vessel filled to capacity.

*Tressa Jo

Sometimes, the hardest place to stand is between our pursuits and God’s plans. We position ourselves in prayer. And we put our feet to the pavement pursuing what we pray. We do our part and wait for God to do His. Every now and then, God will put the brakes on our pursuits and put chains on our strengths. Most times, we think that it’s the enemy attacking us and standing in the way of what God has for us. But quite the contrary. Sometimes, it’s not the enemy. Sometimes, it’s God orchestrating His Divine staying hand to position us in the places that require us to exercise the faith we profess to have. God knows that we believe in Him. But He wants us to trust Him. He wants us to rely on Him. We don’t come into a place of trust and reliance with the things we can do for ourselves. But it’s when God intentionally disables our strengths and abilities, that we find ourselves searching for strength and power elsewhere. It is then, knowing what we know and knowing Who we know, that we approach God with all of our weaknesses, inabilities and inadequacies asking Him to do what we cannot do for ourselves. And when His strength is made perfect in our weaknesses, we learn to appreciate our weaknesses. And we learn to rely on His strengths. We come to an understanding that had we not been disabled, we’d never come to the know that God is more than able. God will present us with opportunities to trust Him, but He will not force us to trust Him.

*Tressa Jo

You will resist walking in righteousness when your desires are dominated by your flesh. You will love what hates you and hate what loves you. You will crave what’s in the dark because it appeases your flesh. And whatever you allow to feed you will lead you. The darkness will deceive you into believing that the enemy is your brother. But we don’t even war against flesh and blood. The real enemy uses the faces of your brother to disguise himself. And instead of fighting the enemy, we fight our brother. Instead of rejecting sin, we reject the sinner. And the cycle continues until we realize that this is a spiritual warfare and we start fighting the flesh with the Spirit.

*Tressa Jo

Self talk/discipline…

I am intentional with my frustrations. I steward them in the right direction as early as possible. Not allowing them to take my thoughts and emotions captive. I look for the opportunity God is presenting me to grow and glorify Him as soon as I’m aware.

I admit to myself and to God….
I’m annoyed! I’m agitated! I’m frustrated! I’m….

But I know You intend for me to grow in some way Lord. Show me! I’m looking! Tell me! I’m listening!

I don’t allow my emotions or my thoughts to tell me what to feel and think. And I sure don’t allow them to tell me what to do or how to act.
I tell them what to do! I am emotionally and mentally responsible and disciplined!

casting down imaginations and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ
2 Corinthians 10:5

*Tressa Jo

For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the LORD will take me in. Psalms 27:10

Early in my walk as a single mother, I was bitterly grieved at the thought of raising my child on my own. More so, I was grieved at the thought of my daughter not having a consistent father in her life. I remember praying one day and opening up the bible to read. I asked God to minister to me and meet me in the place of my grief at that moment. This is the verse that I opened up to. What a mighty word of deliverance God gave me! God showed me that day, that no person in this life, including myself, can mean more to my child than Him. At that point, I committed myself to giving my child Jesus. He IS a father to the fatherless and a mother to the motherless. God is not only what me child’s father chose not to be for her, but God is also what I can’t be for her. He is her everything. He is my everything. He is your everything. I realized that my relationship with God would make the biggest difference in both of our lives–not there presence of her father; not having money to provide for her; not anything materialistic. But God! He’s not just my daughter’s Father. But He’s my Father too. And He loves and cares for both of us just like a Father. ❤

*Tressa Jo

Don’t you realize that you become the slave of whatever you CHOOSE to obey? You can be a slave to sin, which leads to death, or you can CHOOSE to obey God, which leads to righteous living
Romans 6:16

It’s your choice! Satan doesn’t want you to believe this. He wants you to believe that you’ll always have that sin problem and that no matter what you do, you’ll never be delivered from it. The devil is a liar! It’s your choice! God doesn’t require us to do anything that He doesn’t empower us to do. But it’s up to us to position ourselves to gain access to the power He gives us to subdue, overcome, discipline and control our sinful nature. Jesus did what we couldn’t do for yourself. He freed us from the power of sin. But it’s up to us to separate ourselves from sin. God empowers us to do so. Commit to taking your spiritual medications and empowerment in 2018 so we can be freed from the control of sin in our lives. The Word of God tells us that we should consider ourselves free from the power of sin. Some of are already defeated in our thoughts. We just don’t believe that God has delivered us from the power of sin because we listen to the enemy’s lies, rather than to God’s Truth. Therefore, we don’t walk like we’ve been delivered and we won’t separate ourselves for sin. As a matter of fact, our desires tell us what to do instead of us telling our desires what to do. Know the Truth and it will set us free! It’s your choice…….

So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. Galatians 5:16

*Tressa Jo