Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” – Genesis 2:18
The biblical definition of suitable in this verse actually means “opposites”. Establishing relational/martial harmony by is best done when we identify, understand and appreciate the differences between the man and woman and how those differences work together to benefit both (not in the things that make us compatible, similar or alike). It’s like a two-piece puzzle. Both pieces are completely different, but perfectly fit one another because they were designed to do so. The same with the man and woman–two different pieces of a Divine puzzle designed to fit in order to make the big picture plain and clear. This picture brings this verse to mind:
Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man nor man of woman…1 Cor 11:11
These differences have to first be embraced physically–which isn’t usually an issue for heterosexual individuals. We easily like and appreciate the physical differences if the opposite sex. The softness of a woman compliments the hardness of a man very well. But coming to understand the mental, emotional and social differences takes intentional efforts. Unfortunately, many don’t/won’t make this effort. In order to not become frustrated at the opposite sex (for being the way God made them) you have to understand why they are the way they are. And when you don’t understand them, you just accept them. I’m talking about creative makeup, not character development. There are some Divine creative characteristics that are innate for both. A woman needs to feel security and she needs attention. If a man doesn’t understand that and resist or neglect giving her security and attention, his relationship with the woman in his life will be problematic. Likewise, a man needs respect. If the woman in his life doesn’t understand that and resist or neglect giving him respect and honor, her relationship with her man will be problematic. We don’t need the same things because we weren’t designed to need the same things. We’re “opposites” in so many ways.
When you don’t have an understanding of the differences, you struggle accepting them. You won’t appreciate what you won’t accept. And if you struggle accepting the differences, you’re going to stay frustrated dealing with the”opposite” sex. Unfortunately, for too many, instead of accepting and learning the differences, they chalk up relational friction as it being a problem with their significant other. They’re the problem–not their refusal or neglect of their s/o’s individual needs not being met in the relationship. We have to understand that the man and the woman just don’t tick the same way. So it’s good when a man studies womanhood and when a woman studies manhood. It prepares them to meet one another’s needs without becoming frustrated by the extreme differences/opposites.
A helper “opposite” of him doesn’t sound ideal because we’re set on looking for how we’re alike, the same or “compatible”. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But that just scratches the surface of relational harmony between a man and a woman. Compatibility addresses our pleasures. But suitability addresses God’s purpose.
*Tressa Jo
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