I have a good friend, much older than myself that I really want to be like when I grow up. She’s one of the few women I have said this about in my life. She is a perfect combination of sensitivity and sternness. She has an exceptional gift of caring for other people. One day, she shared with me some of the events from her childhood. She came from a very broken beginning. Her mother died when she was a little girl. Her older sister raised her as a daughter. She didn’t even find out until later that her sister wasn’t her mom. But she said she always knew something was different. She didn’t look like the rest of her “sisters”. Her nose was flat and wide. Neither was she treated the same. The father, in particular, treated her very harshly; requiring her to perform at levels his own daughters didn’t have to. She shared with me that when she was around 8 years old, her and her sisters were coming to the house. There was a gate in the front yard that needed to be closed. Her older, bigger sisters couldn’t do it. The father told her to go back and do it or she would get a beating. She said she was so furious but she did it. She pulled and tugged at the wire to fasten the gate to the point that her hands were being bruised. She said she had so much anger in her heart at that moment. She shed tears as she told me this story from 50 years ago.
She expressed that she grew up always feeling unattractive and insecure. Even though her “father” mistreated her, she would pray as a young child for God to bless her with a godly husband one day. Fast forward, as a young lady, God sent her a God fearing man. She asked him was he sure he wanted her. She just couldn’t believe that a man like him would want to marry her after all the mistreatment and rejection her “father” had towards her growing up. In her mind, she wasn’t worthy of a healthy relationship. But she always wanted and prayed for one.
Perceiving her to now be a confident older woman, I asked her what made the difference in her being able to finally love herself after all those years of feeling ugly and not good enough to receive love. She said it was the love of her husband. His love for her spoke value into her life and made her feel worthy of being loved. He loved her like Christ loved the church. And as he loved her God’s way, she learned to establish her worth in God and not in man. She no longer needed the validation of her earthly father because she was now validated by her Heavenly father. She says her husband treats her like a queen. She fusses about his man ways just like any other wife. But she knows he loves her and has helped her heal from the hurts of her childhood. It’s so beautiful to have a husband that affects you in a way that he can help you heal because of his own relationship with God; not because he’s a magician or something. He simply pours into his wife what God had already poured into him.
One pastor says, “Submission is a natural response for a woman when a man loves her completely.” Her submission to a righteous man of God offers her help to heal, not cause her harm and further damages to her soul. He becomes refuge for her; a safe place. He becomes her Christ as she becomes his church. His relationship with her is purposed to sanctify her, cleanse her and to present her to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle. He does all this so that she might be holy and without blemish. She becomes his pride and joy. He loves her like Christ loves His bride, the church. He recognized early, that my friend came with some brokenness in her life. She was honest and upfront about that. She had been praying for a godly husband; not just a good one. God presented them to one another and the two became one. And 50+ years later, they are examples of an Ephesians 5 marriage purpose to testify and glorify of the goodness of God. They walk in ministry and they share in ministry.
Jesus exemplifies the ministering and healing power He has for anyone that chooses to enter into a relationship (a marriage) with Him. And Jesus is to the church what a husband should be to his wife. He sets a standard and an example of husbandry because the person of a husband is a divinely designed expression of God’s nature and is exemplified by a man that’s intentional in following Jesus’ example within his own marriage. A husband may not have power to heal his wife’s brokenness but he can position her before a God that can. As her Christ, he provides her with direction in her living and in her healing.
I can imagine the fulfillment a man of God gets knowing that he’s able to pour into his wife what God has poured into him and how much pride he takes in how God has positioned him in his wife’s life. Jesus teaches and prepares a man of God to develop the mindset of ministry for his wife because that’s part of his calling in her life. As far as human relationships go, no other relationship will gain access to a woman’s heart like her man. And because of that, he will influence healing in her.
*Tressa Jo
BeyondSeeLevel
BeyondSeeLevel 