BeyondSeeLevel

I was talking to one of my friends the other day about men–one of my favorite topics. 🙂 She talked about a guy she dated years ago. In her opinion, they had the best relationship she had ever been in. She says that they had great communication and vibed extremely well. But there was one major problem. She was committed to the Lord, but he wasn’t. She would encourage him to attend church with her and pray with her. He resisted both. But in the meantime, he treated her well and even respected her personal vow of celibacy. After some time, she came to realize that her vow of celibacy wasn’t his vow of celibacy. He respected her choice for their relationship, but that wasn’t his choice for his life. He never committed to not having sex. He just committed to not having sex with her. Of course, this was a problem.  She broke off the relationship.

Years later, she would reminisce on her relationship with him and wonder what could have been. Recently, she was affirmed that her commitment to being obedient to God, was the best thing she could have ever done. She didn’t want to give up that relationship but made a decision based on her reality, not her fantasy. To her, this man met every relationship desire she had. He was attentive, intentional, supportive and respectful. But in her reality, she was dating a man that had no sense of urgency or priority to live for God. She did. The fact that they would vibe socially, emotionally, mentally and potentially physical wasn’t enough for her. She needed spiritual unity in her relationship. Here it is years later, she finds out that he is very vocal about his anti-organized religious perspectives. He’s still not into church or God. She thinks about how hard things could have been had she continued to pursue that relationship. Would he have eventually given his life to her God? Or would she had eventually given her life to his god?

As great as that relationship was, it wasn’t built on God. And because of that, they would have been unequally yoked, forever going in opposite directions. This is why, for children of God, vibing just ain’t enough! How much you like one another won’t be enough to sustain the relationship for the long hall. Quite honestly, neither will your love for one another be enough. Most of the time your love and like for one another is based on reciprocity. Truth be told, you won’t always like each other or feel like loving one another. You have to have a unified meeting place that’s independent of each of you. That meeting place is God. No one person can be the standard or the rule for relationship harmony. God has to be the center. And you both have to be committed to submitting to His authority and guidance–personally and collectively. This is maturing from having a mindset of just commitment to having a mindset of covenant. It’s about God’s will for your lives, not just about your desires.

So while it’s perfectly fine to consider and pray for mental, social, emotional and physical compatibility, don’t fail to keep the main the main thing.  How you come together spiritually affects every other area of your relationship — positively or negatively. My friend’s relationship with God was strong during this time. Even though she communicated well with her guy, she never ceased to pray and present him and their relationship before the Lord. Allowing God to lead you in your relationship isn’t the same as simply wanting Him to bless your relationship. Sometimes God will give us hard pills to swallow.  But in the end, they’re purposed to help us, not hurt us. God knows and sees what we can’t.

Here are just a few prayers you can pray in your singleness as you pursue yoking up to the one.

Help me stay in my lane and not move too fast.

Help me walk in Your Spirit and not my flesh.

Help me be a source in his/her life that encourages him/her in their walk with You.

Help me to not become a stumbling block or a temptress for him/her.

Purify our desires for one another.

Help us to honor one another, even in our private thoughts.

Help us purpose to glorify You, even in our courtship.

Help us be honest about where we are in our relationship with You and in our relationship with one another.

Help us not to attempt to force what doesn’t fit.
Help us to love one another the way You love us.

Help us develop a sacrificial, in spite of kind of love for one another.

Help us not be selfish or self -serving.

Help us learn one another, not just learn about one another.

Give us the ability to minister to one another.

Help me to be able to discern dishonorable intentions.
Help me to always be mindful and intentional of my influence in his/her life.

Heal me of any brokenness I may have in my spirit, so that I will be an asset to him/her and not a liability.

Help us be authentic with You first, so that we can be genuinely transparent with one another.

Help us not to hold each other’s past against each other.

Help us not to make each other pay for the pains and disappointments in our past.

Help us to see our need for one another and not be consumed with our want for one another.

Help us desire a relationship of purpose, not just pleasure and passion.

Bless him in his manhood and his desire and ability to lead a family.

Help us keep ourselves sexually pure and holy before You.

Bless his health, his heart and his finances.

Give her a heart and desire for submission, support and servitude.

Help me honor him as my brother in Christ. Help him honor me as his sister in Christ.

Give him sincere fatherly/motherly love for my children.

Give my children genuine love for him/her…..

This is just a few.  Pursue and pray for your relationship like it’s about glorifying God; and not just about satisfying you.

*Tressa Jo