BeyondSeeLevel

Sometimes, when a person of strength experience hardship and grief, people have a tendency to minimize the degree of their pain. It’s easy to do because that person doesn’t necessarily have a defeated or broken countenance. Often times, the burden of influence forces them to put on their poker face. And the call of duty urges them to be strong, even when they are at their weakest. But the reality is, the strength that they try to muster up for spectators for the sake of ministry, can’t even be tapped into for themselves. You may see strength. But their reality is far from it.
Stay mindful that a book, a chapter and a verse won’t always pick a person up when they are at their lowest. They need your prayers. They need your support. They need you to understand that dealing with some of life’s hurts is like an airplane ride, not helicopter ride. There won’t be an immediate ascend from the bottom to the top. But there will be a need for time and distance in order to gain strength, speed and eventually, flight.

More importantly, learn to meet people where they are, and don’t try to put them where you think or feel they need to be. Afford people a safe place to feel what they need to feel, just the way they feel it, in order to create a safe environment for healing. This is compassion at its best.

“I won’t judge you for being human.” “I encourage you to be real and transparent.” “I will pray for you.” “I don’t know what you feel, but I’m listening.” “I can’t imagine how you feel, but I’m here for you the best way I can”.

If you are the strong one, and you feel no one really knows or understands the depth of your pain, I understand. It probably hurts because it’s suppose to hurt. It’s ok to grieve. You’re human. Know that God can and will be glorified, even thru your tears. Hold on to God, even if you have to cry and crawl trying to. That’s God’s glory; holding onto Him in spite of; holding on even when itn hurts or you don’t you understand.

The bible doesn’t teach that He will not put on us more than we can bare. Sounds good, but it’s not right. If you embrace this as truth (particularly in life’s valleys), you will spend a lifetime trying to tap into your own strength trying to fix your own troubles. Which would/could unknowingly eliminate a sincere pursuit for the intervention of God’s power in your life. But it does teach us that God’s strength is made perfect in our weakness. God will allow us to experience things that are beyond our own strength because He seeks to get glory in/through our lives by being our strength.

I stretch my hands to Thee, oh God. No other help I know. Please be my strength Lord. I can’t do this without You.

*Tressa Jo

Have you ever wondered why God didn’t give you what you asked for? You’ve been praying for a long time now. And sometimes you wonder if God even hears you anymore. Are you getting on God’s nerves? Why hasn’t He said yes? “Maybe it’s the wrong timing.” It wasn’t a timing issue. God was more than willing to give it to you then or soon. “Maybe it’s not the will of God”. It wasn’t a God’s will issue.  God actually viewed what you asked for as honorable in His sight.  He wanted to give it to you. “Maybe I just wasn’t ready”. It wasn’t a preparedness issue either.  He knew you weren’t ready for it when you asked for it. But He was still ready to give you the blessing  at the right time you would finally be prepared to receive it. The reason God didn’t give you what you asked for was because you had a meantime issue.  In the meantime, you didn’t prepare yourself to receive what you asked for.  You didn’t clean house. You didn’t consecrate yourself.  Some of us are still trying to receive new blessings in old wine skins, on old territories and with old mindsets with the same level of spiritual growth you had before you asked God for the blessing, with the same degree of patience and with the same amount of love. In the meantime,  you complained and murmured relentlessly.  You straddled the fence of spirituality and carnality. Your lukewarm servitude never got hot.  You still only prayed, fasted and studied God’s Word when you felt like it or when it was convenient. Those relationships still were more of a priority than the one you have with God. You still only came to church to get your shout on.  But you never came to get your serve on.  Your prayers are still only big enough for what you want for you.  But they’re not big enough for what God wants for you.  Therefore,  in the meantime,  the answer is still “No!”.

*Tressa Jo

Every now and then, we might find ourselves experiencing a trial in life. It’s one thing to have a bad day or a bad week. But it weighs on us much differently if that week turns into a month. Or than month turns into a year. Or that year turns into a season. Most of us, under the weight of life, will at one point or another, find ourselves on the verge of giving up or breaking down. We’re human. One thing I recently discovered for myself (and I find it to be true for others), is that when we deny or ignore the impact of our human experience for the sake of ‘being strong’, we do ourselves more damage than good. So when we choose not to deal with our situations, eventually, those situations will start to deal with us. You can actually face those things that you’re dealing with in life and still have peace. I often pray, “Lord, I pray that you change my circumstances. But if You choose not to, I pray that You change me.” We have to understand that God won’t always give our circumstances permission to change. So that leaves us with one of two options: Reject the sovereignty of God and be forever discontented. Or accept God’s sovereignty and learn contentment.

I believe that in order to have contentment in the midst of trials, it starts in the place of thanksgiving. Being troubled on every side, but managing to give sincere thanks to God, is a sign of spiritual maturity. This kind of maturity doesn’t just happen. It takes time. You become thankful on purpose.

1 Thessalonian 5:18

In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

IN everything? Yes—IN everything. Not to be mistaken for “FOR everything”. Even so, being thankful IN everything can be quite challenging at times for even the most faithful child of God. As challenging as it may be, God still has an expectation of us to do so. This challenges many of us for many reasons. Being thankful IN everything, but not necessarily FOR everything is an exercise of the will. But it doesn’t just happen for us. We actually have to be intentional in this endeavor. The natural man experiences life and becomes content because of external stimuli. This means that he’s only in a good place in his spirit when desirable things happen for him and around him. But the spiritual man can experience life and still maintain a spirit of contentment in spite of external stimuli.  He may not be happy about all the things that happen to him and around him. But he doesn’t allow those things to rob him of his peace. Peace isn’t the absence of trouble, but it is the presence of God. He recognizes that in spite of the undesirable events in his life, God is still with him.

You may have a situation. But the situation doesn’t have to have you.

 Did you know that just because you’re in a fire doesn’t mean that you have to get burned? The Hebrew boys in the book of Daniel teach us this. The boys didn’t deny the situation they were in. They didn’t ignore the seriousness of their human experience. They didn’t even deny that the fire was hot. No matter how much the king threatened them, they became more and more intentional in speaking words that celebrated the power God had to deliver them if He chose to. Had they allowed their minds to be consumed by the threats of the king or the flames of the fire, they may have not even noticed Jesus right there in the fire with them. They would not have been able to experience that peace that surpassed all understanding considering the situation they were in. This is what the right perspective at the right time can enable us to do. We see Jesus in the fire with us when others only see us in the fire. The boys were thankful because they were able to focus of the fact that God was able to deliver them even if He chose not to. I’m sure the boys weren’t thanking God for the fire. But I’m sure that they were thanking God for His presence in the midst of the fire.

The fact that God instructs us to be thankful in everything is actually God’s way of helping us help ourselves. Being thankful IN all things allow us to re-center our minds on the goodness of God. And when we’re able to think on the goodness of God, we become aware of the presence of God. And being in His presence is where we have peace. Many times, in distress, we will cry out to the Lord begging Him to show up and intervene in our situations. But God is waiting for us to realize that He’s already there. The fires of life make us fearful and forgetful. And whenever we become overwhelmed and led by fear, we cannot operate in faith. Fear is not of God. The enemy knows this. This is why he turns up the heat in our lives as often as our fear fuels it. Being thankful in the fire won’t necessarily stop the fires from burning. But it can stop us from being consumed by the fires.

*Tressa Jo

Imagine this….

Someone that you care about very much plans to meet up with you.  You glow with excitement at the thought of seeing them face to face. They don’t know it but you actually have a surprise for them.  As they approach,  you’re getting giddy thinking about how much they’re going to like what you have for them.   But even more than that,  you’re excited about feeling their embrace and seeing their face once again. As they draw closer, your heart starts beating faster and faster anticipating their embrace. You hold the gift in your right hand behind your back. You raise your left hand to reach for their embrace. You stare them directly in their eyes,  but notice they’re not looking at you.  You can’t decipher exactly what or who they’re looking at.  But the closer you get, you see that they’re looking past you. Now you’re close enough to embrace them, but they shift to your right side, missing your embrace all together.  You’re confused.  Why would they make arrangements to meet up with you but act as though they don’t even see you?  As they continue to pass you by, you now notice them gazing at your right hand to see what’s in it. Your countenance falls as you realize that your loved one is more interested in the gift you have in your hand than they are interested in you.  They never even made eye contract with you.  They never once looked up to see your face. All they focused on was what was in your right hand. Your heart is so broken. As much as you love them,  it’s difficult for you to understand why they don’t love you the same. It’s even more difficult for you to understand how they can be right there in your presence and not even recognize you.  With tears in your eyes, you leave and take the gift with you. How selfish and inconsiderate is your loved one?!

The reality is…..

Do you realize that we do this to God all the time.  We are that selfish loved one!  Time and time again, we petition God for His blessings.  We say we just want to be in His presence because we love Him so much.  We make arrangements to meet Him in places of praise and worship. As we approach Him, all we’re able to see is His right hand hoping that it holds the blessing we’ve been praying for.  As we get close and closer to Him, we feel that our blessing is getting closer and closer. It’s almost in our hands.  We’re so focused on the gift in God’s hand that we pay no attention to God’s face.  We don’t  even look up to make eye contact. We ignore His presence trying to get to His presents. Mercy!  We break His heart over and over again because we keep making arrangements with Him.  But He wants a relationship with us.

He keeps the gift in His right hand,  hoping that one day, instead of us seeking His hand we will seek His face.  He wants us to realize that we limit our blessings when we pursue the gift but not the Giver of Gifts. God is so much bigger than what He can give to us.  He’s so much bigger than what’s in His right hand. God not only has your gift in His hand.  But He has the whole world in His hand. The Word teaches us that God is a rewarder of those that diligently seek Him.  Seek Him…..Seek Him…..not His blessings. We have not because we ask not.  But perhaps for many of us, we have not because we seek not. Many have prided themselves on the fact that they ask for the blessings in God’s hand. But who pride sthemselves on the fact that they actually seek His face?

*Tressa Jo

Recently, I attended the funeral of a friend.  The preacher that facilitated the funeral beckoned the audience to give the widower a standing ovation for keeping his vow. He recognized the husband for staying with his wife through good and bad times and through sickness and in health. But what warranted the standing ovation was that he was there “till death did them part”. It was a moment of celebration and of sadness. We stood to our feet to celebrate his commitment and care for his wife during her season of sickness. It was very obvious for any that had a front row seat to this couple that he cared for her; particularly, when she wasn’t able to care for herself.  After seasons of fighting in hope, they both had to come to grips and accept the inevitable. As the preacher shouted, the audience cheered. Till death did they part! Till death did they part!

A few days later, I attended a ladies day church event to support my mentor and fellowship with some sisters in Christ. At this event, there was a panel of ladies that spoke on the different stages of walking in faith. One sister, in particular, said something that really got my attention. She talked about how she held on to her faith when her husband suddenly and unexpectedly died from a massive heart attack. He was only 50 years old. That’s not old at all. Can you imagine the degree of hurt she experienced trying to embrace the reality that her husband was gone? She talked about some of her thoughts early in her grief. She would think in her spirit, “I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with you!” In her grief, she’d utter words to her husband as if he was right there in her presence. She just wanted to feel his presence so badly—even if she could only feel it in her spirit.

I’m not sure how long she toiled in the depths of her grief. There are many adjustments and changes a person has to make when their spouse dies. She no longer had him there to talk to or to touch. She was now sleeping alone every night. There were no more good mornings or good nights to exchange. That just touches the surface. The realities that she had to come to accept are the same realities my friend’s husband will eventually have to accept over the course of time.

That one statement that stood out most to me as the sister on the panel spoke was this: As she rehearsed her hurt and consumed herself with thoughts she’d spend the rest of her life with her husband, God whispered peace into her spirit.  God simply showed her that her husband thought the same exact thing. And he did exactly that! He spent the rest of his life with her! He fulfilled his vows till death did them part. Did that eliminate her pain? Absolutely not! But it gave her a fresh perspective of the covenant vows they both took when they said “I do”.  She realized that her vows were to be fulfilled in life and in death. She recognized that although they didn’t plan it this way, God already knew her husband’s death date, just as He knew his birth date. God knew!

During this day and age, many marriages end over trivial things. Most of which, never include the death of a spouse. Becoming a widow is a God designed covenant fulfillment worthy of celebrating; worthy of a standing ovation. Two different couples– Two different life journeys together–Two husbands worthy of celebrating. One we celebrate in life. The other, we celebrate in death. Till death did they part.

*Tressa Jo

I had a wonderful discussion with a friend of mine yesterday. The flow of our dialogues usually center around religion and relationships. I’m always intrigued with the mind of an honest man. Or at least a man that’s willing to be transparent about the male agenda. In his transparency, I’ve learned a lot about men—good and bad. He’s not a self-proclaimed “good-guy”. Therefore, he’s always willing to share the “game” with me. More particularly, the game among the Christian singles. He’s expressed to me on several occasions his “not so honorable” attempts to pursue certain women in the Church. I really appreciate his honesty because even though his intentions weren’t always right, he calls his behaviors exactly what they were and never tries to justify them by blaming a gullible or weak woman. That’s another conversation for another day.

He admits that all he has to do is have a few conversations with a sister (if not one) to know if he will be able to “get some”. He says that he goes in with good intentions. But the woman’s naivety and contradictory dialogue baits his flesh in like a moth to a flame. He doesn’t attempt to deceive them. He’s actually very honest about not looking for a serious relationship and about the fact that celibacy is not his strongest virtue. However, he omits the fact that her conversation determined the direction of his pursuit of her—if he pursues her or pursues her sex. He told me her language will either incriminate her or confirm her.

Many Christian women will make a celibacy declaration at the beginning of their “getting to know you” phase with a man. My friend says that’s no problem for him because he knows that many men (brothers in Christ, in particular) are chasing these women to get sex, not to develop real relationships. So he definitely understands why a sister would put that out on the table so soon. Basically, she’s communicating with him not to waste his time if that’s what he’s looking for because she’s not giving it up. Nevertheless, he’s still no stranger to taking advantage of the sister that incriminates herself by saying too much. You see because he’s still that man, he’s going to throw out what I call “bait language”. This is something a brother will say to a sister to gauge her response to determine just what kind of woman he’s working with. He says most fail the test. He throws out a few sexual innuendos or confessions of his own weaknesses to see how she responds. They will either repel her or draw her in.

I tell him all the time that I think he’s a charmer. That’s not a compliment. It’s just an observation. He shakes his head because he doesn’t see it. So yesterday, I explained to him what I meant about him being a charmer. Initially, I joked and said “It’s not like you’re a Billy Dee Williams or a LL “lip licking Cool J.” He doesn’t talk low and slow to appeal to the ladies. He’s actually a regular ole Joe. He doesn’t put extra bass in his voice, give you the smokey-eye look or lick his lips to try to turn you on. He’s just friendly and kind. He appeals to a woman’s emotions. He uses this as an advantage to get what he wants from the ladies. He knows that if he can get you laughing and feeling a certain kind of way, he can gain access to a little more of you. In plain English, his knows that “If he can make her feel good, she’ll make him feel good.”  

I explained to him that as a woman, I have a better chance of getting the man I want to commit to me if I can make him “think” a certain way about me. “I’m a good homemaker. I’m submissive. I’m chaste. Etc.”  But as a man, if he wants access to a woman, he has a better chance of getting her if he makes her “feel” a certain way about him. I call this the fluffy stuff. Most woman look forward to this part of a relationship. I know I do! Sometimes, we rush to feel and we stop thinking. I told him that I believe men know this. If they can get a woman to feel and stop thinking, they can probably get whatever else they want from her. It’s a trade off. He makes her feel good emotionally. She makes him feel good physically. That’s actually a very natural response for most women. We want to show our love physically once he’s shown his mentally and emotionally.

I told him that I’m just like any other woman. But I’m aware of what being in “feel mode” does to me. Although, “feel mode” is exactly where I want to be with a man, I choose to think. I choose to think so that I can see. Feeling has a way of blinding us. We will deny or won’t see anything that has the potential to sabotage what we’re feeling. A woman’s emotions are the gateway for a man to gain access to other parts of her. This is why I don’t pursue romance. I pursue friendship. Pre-commitment romance is all about manipulating emotions. Let’s just feel good about being in one another’s presence. With all that feeling going on, you’ve probably gone blind (to some necessary realities about him and the relationship).

What I know about being a single woman is that you absolutely do not gain the advantage by pretending that you don’t have or by denying that you have desires. Because you won’t give adequate attention to guarding what you refuse to admit is there. Being a Christian woman doesn’t eliminate your desires. But it does give us access to what we need in order to control them. But flirting with compromise with risky dialogues fuels those desires—especially when you have a physical attraction to a man. My friend told me that men listen to everything the sisters say—especially on social media. They listen to find the cracks in our obedience, identify our weaknesses and feel us out for hypocrisies.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting the fluffy stuff in a relationship. But you have to use wisdom and discernment in determining if it’s even safe to feel with this particular man. Everything will have its time. But during the getting to know you phase, we need to think, not feel. It’s ideal to have that fluffy stuff with a man that’s intentional about, not only protecting your purity, but protecting his own purity. Who doesn’t want a Monster’s Ball kind of feel good?! But that kind of feel good is for the married; not the single and dating.

My friend told me that he loses respect for a woman once he realizes that her walk doesn’t match her talk. He looks at her differently when it takes very little pressuring to get her to let down her defenses and give way to his “charm”. He also said he’d still fool with her but that he wouldn’t marry her. That doesn’t sound right or nice, but he’s being honest. And his honesty is indicative of the agendas of many other men. As I encourage him to surrender that part of his life to God in obedience, I also encourage my sisters to walk in wisdom, use discernment and discipline their emotions. Don’t allow your emotions to take you places and do things you will regret later. “Good girls” are getting got by nice guys every day. They know that the street approach won’t increase the probability that they could pull a church girl. So they are very strategic in their approach. Different approach, same agenda. Think! Think! Think! And get out of your feelings!

These are the kind of people who smooth-talk themselves into the homes of unstable and needy women and take advantage of them; women who, depressed by their sinfulness, take up with every new religious fad that calls itself “truth.” They get exploited every time and never really learn. These men are like those old Egyptian frauds Jannes and Jambres, who challenged Moses. They were rejects from the faith, twisted in their thinking, defying truth itself. But nothing will come of these latest impostors. Everyone will see through them, just as people saw through that Egyptian hoax.
2 Timothy 3:6-9
(Message)

*Tressa Jo

There is this thing that exists that has the ability to usher you into a place that illuminates your spirit or suffocates your spirit. It encompasses you with the presence and awareness of Light.
Or it encompasses you with the presence and awareness of darkness. However, sometimes, it deceives you into believing that an awareness of the Light always equals the absence of darkness. The Light is confirmed by the Light; the truth of the word of God.
Darkness is confirmed by your own flesh; co-signing desires, wants, passions and even brokenness. This thing is called “emotions”. Never look to your emotions to confirm God. Look to God to confirm your emotions. Satan doesn’t mind you being emotional about your relationship with God as long as you’re not holy. Never allow your feelings to fool you into believing you have Fajardo faith.

Jeremiah 17:9
The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it.

I have a good friend, much older than myself that I really want to be like when I grow up.  She’s one of the few women I have said this about in my life. She is a perfect combination of sensitivity and sternness. She has an exceptional gift of caring for other people. One day, she shared with me some of the events from her childhood. She came from a very broken beginning.  Her mother died when she was a little girl. Her older sister raised her as a daughter. She didn’t even find out until later that her sister wasn’t her mom. But she said she always knew something was different. She didn’t look like the rest of her “sisters”. Her nose was flat and wide. Neither was she treated the same. The father, in particular, treated her very harshly; requiring her to perform at levels his own daughters didn’t have to. She shared with me that when she was around 8 years old, her and her sisters were coming to the house. There was a gate in the front yard that needed to be closed. Her older, bigger sisters couldn’t do it. The father told her to go back and do it or she would get a beating. She said she was so furious but she did it. She pulled and tugged at the wire to fasten the gate to the point that her hands were being bruised. She said she had so much anger in her heart at that moment. She shed tears as she told me this story from 50 years ago.

She expressed that she grew up always feeling unattractive and insecure. Even though her “father” mistreated her, she would pray as a young child for God to bless her with a godly husband one day.  Fast forward, as a young lady, God sent her a God fearing man. She asked him was he sure he wanted her. She just couldn’t believe that a man like him would want to marry her after all the mistreatment and rejection her “father” had towards her growing up. In her mind, she wasn’t worthy of a healthy relationship. But she always wanted and prayed for one.

Perceiving her to now be a confident older woman,  I asked her what made the difference in her being able to finally love herself after all those years of feeling ugly and not good enough to receive love.  She said it was the love of her husband. His love for her spoke value into her life and made her feel worthy of being loved. He loved her like Christ loved the church. And as he loved her God’s way, she learned to establish her worth in God and not in man. She no longer needed the validation of her earthly father because she was now validated by her Heavenly father. She says her husband treats her like a queen.  She fusses about his man ways just like any other wife.  But she knows he loves her and has helped her heal from the hurts of her childhood. It’s so beautiful to have a husband that affects you in a way that he can help you heal because of his own relationship with God; not because he’s a magician or something. He simply pours into his wife what God had already poured into him.

One pastor says, “Submission is a natural response for a woman when a man loves her completely.” Her submission to a righteous man of God offers her help to heal, not cause her harm and further damages to her soul. He becomes refuge for her; a safe place. He becomes her Christ as she becomes his church. His relationship with her is purposed to sanctify her, cleanse her and to present her to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle. He does all this so that she might be holy and without blemish. She becomes his pride and joy. He loves her like Christ loves His bride, the church. He recognized early, that my friend came with some brokenness in her life. She was honest and upfront about that. She had been praying for a godly husband; not just a good one. God presented them to one another and the two became one. And 50+ years later, they are examples of an Ephesians 5 marriage purpose to testify and glorify of the goodness of God. They walk in ministry and they share in ministry.

Jesus exemplifies the ministering and healing power He has for anyone that chooses to enter into a relationship (a marriage) with Him. And Jesus is to the church what a husband should be to his wife. He sets a standard and an example of husbandry because the person of a husband is a divinely designed expression of God’s nature and is exemplified by a man that’s intentional in following Jesus’ example within his own marriage. A husband may not have power to heal his wife’s brokenness but he can position her before a God that can. As her Christ, he provides her with direction in her living and in her healing.

I can imagine the fulfillment a man of God gets knowing that he’s able to pour into his wife what God has poured into him and how much pride he takes in how God has positioned him in his wife’s life. Jesus teaches and prepares a man of God to develop the mindset of ministry for his wife because that’s part of his calling in her life. As far as human relationships go, no other relationship will gain access to a woman’s heart like her man. And because of that, he will influence healing in her.

*Tressa Jo

BeyondSeeLevel

One of the most challenging things to do for the child of God is to truly surrender those things that grieve, stress or burden us. It’s natural for us to try to fix things and attempt to make them better. But sometimes, we’ll find ourselves in the waiting rooms of life with our hands tied. The only thing we can do is pray and wait. But even then, our prayers seem to be choked out by the load of care. My most intentional and intense prayer is, “Lord, I pray that you change my circumstances. But if You choose not to, I pray that You change me.” I first prayed this prayer during one of most difficult times in my life, thus far. I lost my mother to cancer. I ended my marriage to my drug addicted spouse. And I lost my job in the same year. All the while, I had two innocent children looking to me for everything; strength, hope, love, peace and sense of normalcy. During this time,  that prayer centered me and allowed me to breathe.  It gave me permission to be human and be godly at the same time. I struggled with all my might to remain hopeful that the pain of that season would soon pass. But I also made a resolve within myself to remember that God is sovereign, He can do whatever He wants to do and that in spite of the chaos I was experiencing,  He loved me and that everything would work out for my good. In my humanness, I struggled within myself and was probably closer to losing my mind than I’ll ever realize. But thankfully, God strategically, positioned me in a place that allowed me to hurt, help and heal at the same time. God placed people in my life that allowed me to be vulnerable and weak without the worry of being taken advantage of or abused. He also placed people in my life that He would purpose me to help through the testimonies of my own painful experiences as I walked, and sometimes crawled through. Then God allowed me to heal through the process of my own ministry. I know for a fact, that many of us will continue to hurt and lack the peace of God because we consume ourselves with the things in our lives that we have absolutely no control over. And we never truly learn what it means to surrender our lives to God. Our misery never graduates to ministry because we can’t grab hold of the ministry. I came to understand why I had to go through that season of grief and why God brought me through. And even now, I understand why He’s sustaining me in the midst of. It was never entirely about me. God orchestrated my choices, my disappointments, my grief and my life to bring Himself glory. As I fought to stay connected to my ministry, I stayed connected to my healing. And when I fought to stay connected to my healing, I stayed connected to my Healer. Bless God! I will be the first to admit that life for me ain’t been no crystal stair. But God!!!! I DO NOT look like what I’ve been through. At center stage of my life is God, Himself. Everything we go through as children of God is for our growth and His glory. He can turn whatever you’ve been through or are going through into something that will glorify Him if your surrender it to Him.

This is my personal banner for my life: I made a mess. That mess caused me misery. I took that misery to the Master. The Master had mercy on me. Then He gave me a ministry.

How does your banner read? Don’t get stuck at the mess or the misery in . Take it to the Master and see how He positions you for ministry and your healing.

*Tressa Jo

BeyondSeeLevel

Can she cook? Can he pay the bills? Does she know how to keep house? Does he have a job? Just a few of the questions the single person asks themselves as they survey the person they date to determine if they’re marriage material. These are good questions. But are they enough? Will answering these questions in the affirmative pave the way for a successful marriage? Performance is important. But a person’s character is what truly makes the difference in what can make or break a marriage. And in order to discern character, you must be able to ask the right questions that go beyond see level in order to unveil the true person and not just validate their performance.

Children of God don’t date like the world. We don’t date like the world because we have a different agenda for marriage. Our marriages are designed to represent and glorify God. Our marriages are mission-minded. The carnal minded person consumes themselves confirming if a person fulfills their carnal desires. But a spiritual minded person is primarily concerned if a person fulfills their spiritual expectations.

Here are a few questions (and a few more) that both the man and the woman should be asking themselves of the person they’re dating and considering marrying. All of these questions lead to one main agenda. That agenda is bigger than the two individuals in the relationship. That agenda is intentional in pursuing purpose, not just pleasure. How much potential does this relationship have to glorify God?

HIS

1. Does she possess qualities to help me become a better man?

Whenever I’m around her, does she inspire me to become a better man? Is one of my biggest fears disappointing her with a lack of development and evolution? Does she do the little or sometimes even the major things helping me that makes her indispensable? Can she be the first responder to most of my problems and provide ideas or solutions? A woman who arouses a man to growth spiritually and personally immediately stands out and is a prime candidate to marry.

2. Does she compliment my ministry? Can our marriage become a ministry for others?

In whatever ministry I’m engaged in (whether in or outside the church), does she help or hinder it? Can she be a resource to bring fresh perspectives to help my work progress? Is she willing to pair with me to produce our own ministry? Is our marriage an example of a godly marriage that can help others? It is essential for a ministry-minded man to select a woman who is complimentary to his works as well as ministry-minded in her own right.

3. Can she make me believe in myself when I fall short?

When I’m lacking confidence in myself, can she boost my spirits with a strategic message? Does she have the talent to make me believe I can fly without wings? Can she light a fire under me when it’s needed? Many times a man may hit rough spells which require reinvigoration. A woman who can empower her man and properly assess his motives to motive-ate him will lead to mutual benefits in perpetuity.

4. Does she enlighten me when I seek her wisdom/solace?

Can I trust whenever I have a problem she will provide a spiritual word that will help me understand my problems/life better? Do I see she operates through wisdom when making decisions in her life? Does she avoid problems by implementing best/wise practices? A man who has confidence and trust in his woman’s words will be more likely to consider her perspective when making decisions that impacts himself and the family.

5. What is her reputation within her church/community? Do people generally speak favorably of her when her name is mentioned?

If I announce I’m dating her to a friend or mutual acquaintance , do people approve by reputation alone? For those who don’t know her, do I speak of her in glowing terms that makes a friend rally for the relationship’s success? Will strangers as well as loved ones commend me for dating her? As a man is choosing a woman to be his glory and reflection, it is pertinent a woman has a stellar reputation and is devoid of controversy. Nothing makes a spiritual man beam with pride more than when his woman is highly praised.

6. Is she a praying woman? Does she pray for others? Do others seek her prayers with confidence?

Does she talk to and consult God daily and frequently? Is one of her solutions to problems in life is, let’s pray about it? Do people believe if anybody’s prayer will reach God, it’s hers? As the family is formed, a spiritual man wants a woman who gives him the assurance their household will always be covered in prayer.

HERS

1. Does he need & value my help? Does he allow me to help him? Does he have a vision I can support?

For a true helpmeet, one of the most disappointing and debilitating positions to be in a marriage is a position of not being needed. A man that can’t see his “need” for you can never truly value your presence in his life. You will be a possession but not a prize.

2. Does he have a place for me in his life? Is he marriage-minded? Is he family-minded? Does he understand godly/biblical husbandry & fatherhood?

There’s a difference in a man that wants a woman and a man that actually wants a wife. It’s possible for a man to want access to his woman without truly ever desiring responsibility for her as his wife. Marriage-minded women need marriage-minded men; not just men that want access to women.

3. Has he submitted himself to God? Carnal or spiritual? Can he sanctify me? Can he cleanse me?

No woman that has submitted her life to God should ever position herself to have to submit to a man that has not submitted himself to God. A dirty man can’t keep you clean. He may satisfy you. But he can’t sanctify you.

4. Is he a leader among the people? Is he a man of integrity? Does his declaration match his demonstration? Is he an example or a sample of godly manhood?

Leadership is about influence; not position. A man that has the ability to lead you in righteousness will already have influence among the people. Influence isn’t about control or status. His influence as a man of integrity will be gained as a result of him consistently being about what he talks about.

5. Can he cover/shade me? With prayer, wisdom, knowledge, counsel, admonishment, leadership & love? Does his presence provide refuge, retreat & relief?

Religion can be mastered by an unspiritual man. But spirituality can’t be faked. A man that already has his own sincere relationship with God will be able to cover you in spiritual matters; not only in carnal matters. Does he have the ability to shade or cover you as he walks with the Lord?

6. Does he love you sacrificially?

Ideally, a woman wants to feel that fluffy kind of love from her man. But fluff doesn’t require sacrifice. It only requires sensation. That’s emotional maintenance. But a man that loves you the way Christ loves His bride will love you sacrificially.

Marq & Tressa Jo
BeyondSeeLevel