Forgiveness would seem to be one of those simple Christian charges to understand and walk in. But I’ve learned that many have an understanding of forgiveness that’s not taught in the Word. The question was asked “Can you forgive a person who hasn’t asked for forgiveness or haven’t repented”? The following are my thoughts on the matter.
I don’t think forgiveness can be granted where there’s no repentance or a request to be forgiven hasn’t been made. I do believe that in that instance, you practice long-suffering. The Bible teaches that we shouldn’t seek retaliation because vengeance belongs to the Lord. Just as God does for us. It doesn’t mean that we won’t or aren’t willing to forgive. But the criteria to be forgiven hasn’t been met. Same as God with us. God extends long-suffering toward us in the absence of our repentance. Otherwise, we’d have to experience the deserved, immediate wrath of God. Long-suffering is the waiting room of mercy. It’s withholding due punishment. Long-suffering grants opportunity to repent. Long-suffering is for us, not for God. Likewise, our long-suffering should have the same motive in mind–to genuinely allow a person time to come into a place of repentance. Thus, getting it right with God even if our relationship isn’t restored to its original state. But to “forgive” without holding a person accountable eliminates that process. In addition, it exonerates us, as the offended, of the responsibility to love beyond fault and seek reconciliation, when possible. I think to “forgive no matter what” easily becomes dismissal, enablement and passivity instead of the purpose in which God intended it to be. Many will “forgive” to avoid confrontation, pain and rejection by never addressing issues, in the hopes of being able to move on with their lives. That’s not forgiveness. That’s dismissal. Resentment, pride and unhealed wounds will usually follow. After Christ’s crucification on the cross, all men are now commanded to repent; no more “Father forgive them for they know not what they do”. True repentance is motivated by godly sorrow, not sorrow because of consequences. When we do forgive, we may not be able to weigh the genuineness of a person’s heart outside of their behaviors, but God sees beyond changed behaviors. I believe that’s why He teaches us to forgive 7 x 70. We forgive within the limitations of our humanness–not being able to judge the hearts of people. But God will deal with what we can’t, whether the request for forgiveness is genuine or not. The fact that a person keeps messing up doesn’t necessarily mean they aren’t genuine. The struggle can just be that real for them. Same with us. How many times have we asked God to forgive us for the same exact thing? Were you sincere when you asked Him before? But the struggle just may be that real for you too. Doesn’t mean that there won’t be any consequences tho. But even the consequences are purposed to draw us back to Him in repentance. For He chastens those He loves. God’s long-suffering and forgiveness is motivated by love and a desire for us to be reconciled back to Him. Our long-suffering and forgiveness of others should have the same motive. Let this mind be in you that was also in Christ Jesus. Forgiveness/long-suffering is a God quality and actually evidence of the Holy Spirit that dwells in us. But it’s never to dismiss or enable a person in their sin. It’s always to draw a person back in the spirit of reconciliation. This requires that genuine, agape love God commands us to have for others. I think what we struggle with, is thinking that a lack of forgiveness is always attached to holding a grudge and/or having unforgiveness in our own hearts. Not so. If God doesn’t forgive us, it’s not because He doesn’t want to. We haven’t met the criteria to be forgiven–repentance. That’s why Long-suffering is necessary. Now…we can actually hold grudges and refuse to forgive someone. Then, we’d find ourselves out of the will of God, needing to repent and needing God’s forgiveness ourselves. The Word teaches that if we don’t forgive others, God won’t forgive us. When we sin and need God’s forgiveness, but fail to repent, God extends long-suffering. He’s not holding a grudge against us, struggling or refusing to forgive us. Neither is He dismissing us for what we’ve done wrong or no longer holds us accountable for what we’ve done wrong. He’s simply loving us enough to “allow us time to get it right” with Him; to repent–change our hearts in order to change our behaviors. The way many have approached forgiveness, seems to be more of a defense mechanism, than it is a Christian duty. The heart of our forgiveness is weighed by God, just like the heart of the person seeking forgiveness.
*Tressa Jo
BeyondSeeLevel 