Can she cook? Can he pay the bills? Does she know how to keep house? Does he have a job? Just a few of the questions the single person asks themselves as they survey the person they date to determine if they’re marriage material. These are good questions. But are they enough? Will answering these questions in the affirmative pave the way for a successful marriage? Performance is important. But a person’s character is what truly makes the difference in what can make or break a marriage. And in order to discern character, you must be able to ask the right questions that go beyond see level in order to unveil the true person and not just validate their performance.
Children of God don’t date like the world. We don’t date like the world because we have a different agenda for marriage. Our marriages are designed to represent and glorify God. Our marriages are mission-minded. The carnal minded person consumes themselves confirming if a person fulfills their carnal desires. But a spiritual minded person is primarily concerned if a person fulfills their spiritual expectations.
Here are a few questions (and a few more) that both the man and the woman should be asking themselves of the person they’re dating and considering marrying. All of these questions lead to one main agenda. That agenda is bigger than the two individuals in the relationship. That agenda is intentional in pursuing purpose, not just pleasure. How much potential does this relationship have to glorify God?
HIS
1. Does she possess qualities to help me become a better man?
Whenever I’m around her, does she inspire me to become a better man? Is one of my biggest fears disappointing her with a lack of development and evolution? Does she do the little or sometimes even the major things helping me that makes her indispensable? Can she be the first responder to most of my problems and provide ideas or solutions? A woman who arouses a man to growth spiritually and personally immediately stands out and is a prime candidate to marry.
2. Does she compliment my ministry? Can our marriage become a ministry for others?
In whatever ministry I’m engaged in (whether in or outside the church), does she help or hinder it? Can she be a resource to bring fresh perspectives to help my work progress? Is she willing to pair with me to produce our own ministry? Is our marriage an example of a godly marriage that can help others? It is essential for a ministry-minded man to select a woman who is complimentary to his works as well as ministry-minded in her own right.
3. Can she make me believe in myself when I fall short?
When I’m lacking confidence in myself, can she boost my spirits with a strategic message? Does she have the talent to make me believe I can fly without wings? Can she light a fire under me when it’s needed? Many times a man may hit rough spells which require reinvigoration. A woman who can empower her man and properly assess his motives to motive-ate him will lead to mutual benefits in perpetuity.
4. Does she enlighten me when I seek her wisdom/solace?
Can I trust whenever I have a problem she will provide a spiritual word that will help me understand my problems/life better? Do I see she operates through wisdom when making decisions in her life? Does she avoid problems by implementing best/wise practices? A man who has confidence and trust in his woman’s words will be more likely to consider her perspective when making decisions that impacts himself and the family.
5. What is her reputation within her church/community? Do people generally speak favorably of her when her name is mentioned?
If I announce I’m dating her to a friend or mutual acquaintance , do people approve by reputation alone? For those who don’t know her, do I speak of her in glowing terms that makes a friend rally for the relationship’s success? Will strangers as well as loved ones commend me for dating her? As a man is choosing a woman to be his glory and reflection, it is pertinent a woman has a stellar reputation and is devoid of controversy. Nothing makes a spiritual man beam with pride more than when his woman is highly praised.
6. Is she a praying woman? Does she pray for others? Do others seek her prayers with confidence?
Does she talk to and consult God daily and frequently? Is one of her solutions to problems in life is, let’s pray about it? Do people believe if anybody’s prayer will reach God, it’s hers? As the family is formed, a spiritual man wants a woman who gives him the assurance their household will always be covered in prayer.
HERS
1. Does he need & value my help? Does he allow me to help him? Does he have a vision I can support?
For a true helpmeet, one of the most disappointing and debilitating positions to be in a marriage is a position of not being needed. A man that can’t see his “need” for you can never truly value your presence in his life. You will be a possession but not a prize.
2. Does he have a place for me in his life? Is he marriage-minded? Is he family-minded? Does he understand godly/biblical husbandry & fatherhood?
There’s a difference in a man that wants a woman and a man that actually wants a wife. It’s possible for a man to want access to his woman without truly ever desiring responsibility for her as his wife. Marriage-minded women need marriage-minded men; not just men that want access to women.
3. Has he submitted himself to God? Carnal or spiritual? Can he sanctify me? Can he cleanse me?
No woman that has submitted her life to God should ever position herself to have to submit to a man that has not submitted himself to God. A dirty man can’t keep you clean. He may satisfy you. But he can’t sanctify you.
4. Is he a leader among the people? Is he a man of integrity? Does his declaration match his demonstration? Is he an example or a sample of godly manhood?
Leadership is about influence; not position. A man that has the ability to lead you in righteousness will already have influence among the people. Influence isn’t about control or status. His influence as a man of integrity will be gained as a result of him consistently being about what he talks about.
5. Can he cover/shade me? With prayer, wisdom, knowledge, counsel, admonishment, leadership & love? Does his presence provide refuge, retreat & relief?
Religion can be mastered by an unspiritual man. But spirituality can’t be faked. A man that already has his own sincere relationship with God will be able to cover you in spiritual matters; not only in carnal matters. Does he have the ability to shade or cover you as he walks with the Lord?
6. Does he love you sacrificially?
Ideally, a woman wants to feel that fluffy kind of love from her man. But fluff doesn’t require sacrifice. It only requires sensation. That’s emotional maintenance. But a man that loves you the way Christ loves His bride will love you sacrificially.
Marq & Tressa Jo
BeyondSeeLevel
BeyondSeeLevel 