BeyondSeeLevel

As a mother of a young child, I often find myself holding her hand whenever we are out in public places. Sometimes, we simply walk side by side. But often times, she will reach for my hand. She does this whenever she feels uneasy or unsafe. Many times, it’s when we’re walking and cars are driving past or we’re in crowed areas. Of course, as a mom, this is 1^st nature for me. I’m always thinking about her safety. And then there are those times she pulls away from me and wants to walk independently; she feels secure. But my eyes are always attentive, watching out for her. Whenever I feel a threat or observe any potential for danger, I beckon her to hold my hand. Sometimes, she tells me “Moma, I’m too big for that.” But it doesn’t matter to me. She can’t see what I see. She doesn’t understand what I understand about our surroundings. Sometimes, she has to hold my hand when she doesn’t want to. But she trusts my judgment and assessments of what surrounds us even when she doesn’t fully understand why.

Talk about protective custody! How wonderful is it being in a position to be watched over, watched out for and protected by someone who does it, simply because they love you? God beckons us, at all times, to “Hold My hand”. He says “I can see what you can’t. I know what you don’t know. Trust me. You’re in good hands.” Isn’t that beautiful and reassuring? Obedience to God grants us access to this protection. He won’t force us to be anywhere we don’t want to be or do anything we don’t want to do. He simply, extends His hand and says “I got you if you let Me.”

I know that as my daughter grows older, she will hold my hand less and less. This is the way it should be. But even then, if she decides to reach for me, within my power and abilities, I will be there with my hand extended. But it’s different with God. He desires that we hold onto His unchanging hand as long as we live. When we truly recognize just how vulnerable we are to harm’s way, we wouldn’t even want it any other way. We understand that our limited senses and intellect only allow us to perceive so much. But God is El Roi. He sees all and He knows all. But disobedience to His will, way and word is like snatching our hand out of His. But we’re not just snatching our hand away from His hand, we’re also snatching ourselves out of His protective custody. Never get too old or too bold to hold your Father’s hand.

*Tressa Jo

A letter….To Him…..

I realized that since my young, adult years in the church, I’ve taken pride and refuge in the male presence in my congregations. Grandfathers. Fathers. Uncles. Brothers.  I don’t have close relationships with most of them, but their presence offered me a sense of security that I’ve lacked my entire life. And recently, that presence has seemed to fade to black. The ones that are present are posted up, but not making a difference. They seem ok with just showing up and have no urgency to lead the people of God or even be spiritual examples-lacking spiritual integrity. The church once disconnected me from the brokenness of my own blood family. No men. No leadership. No support.  No protection. The church men represented  for me hope, examples and someone I could at least point to and say to my girls….”that’s a good one right there”. But now, it is reminding me of the brokenness of my family and forcing me to feel like I have to lead there too. It grieves me on a different level because of what the church came to mean to me as a fatherless woman raising fatherless children. And once again, I feel like I’m being forced to wear the pants when I really want to wear a dress. Then get criticized for wearing the pants. *Sigh* This realization actually had me in tears. To be honest….I’m tired of clapping for men just because they showed up. Apparently, this has set a new standard of leadership and accountability. I think I’ll hold my applause for the ones that power up, not just show up. I mean, where do we draw the line between what’s meant as encouragement and what’s simply stroking an ego–an ego that’s built up on coming to class but never passing the test? I refuse to stop having expectations. I’m still looking for them to be present and make a difference; not just make dents. My nature won’t allow me to. I’ve learned that people will resent you for charging them and expecting them to do what they’re supposed to do. I’m cool with that. No one wants to be told that they’re missing the mark. Neither do they want to be told what the mark is. Especially not by a woman. Sooooooo….what now?

Signed

Sincerely, Grievously, Disappointed, Agitated, Frustrated

Her

*Tressa Jo